Reflecting on My 2024 Goals

It's that time of year again! Time to look back on the goals I set for myself at the beginning of 2024 and then wax reflective about each of them and how my attempts to accomplish each one went :)

✅ Get a tattoo.  I did this!! After years of saying I would like to get a tattoo, I finally followed through and got one that I loved :) My artist was a former neighbor of mine and he now has a shop just a short ways away from where I live. He was so easy to work with and honestly, as a very anxious and needle-averse person, it was so not a big deal. I was glad I brought a friend with me, but in the future when I get more tattoos (because there WILL be more tattoos!), I would be fine to go alone if it came down to it.

🤏 Create a rhythm for blogging.  I became a little more regular with my blog posts, but I definitely didn't hit a rhythm like I had hoped. I think this year was more about trying to answer the question, "So if I'm not writing book reviews anymore, what AM I writing about?" I spent a good amount of the time I did publish just following my interests and writing about the things that were weighing on my mind. So I think good steps were made, but I didn't identify the right goal for where I'm at in this process. I'll keep trying though!

❌ Get my nose pierced.  Didn't happen yet, but once again, I'm pushing this forward into my 2025 goals. Maybe this year will be the year!

✅ 52 weeks of gratitude.  I did it! Doing this in a weekly format as opposed to the daily format that I tried to pull off in 2023 was much more achievable. It was nice to sit down at the end of the week and think about things that I was grateful for, no matter what the week had been like. In fact, it was especially nice to do when it had been an exceptionally hard week. When things at work felt like they were falling apart around me, when my grandpa passed away, when my son was having a really hard time at school and needed more support than anyone thought he would need... it was a really good mental health practice to look for the good. The ways I was supported. The distractions that came at a good time and provided a reprieve. Whatever those glints of gold looked like for the week.

⚠️ Find a side-hustle.   I ended up taking this goal off of my list because it fell off the list of importance for me. I have this habit and history of only doing things if I know I will get paid for doing them. It's easier to justify taking on more things and trying new things if I'm getting paid to do them. But this realization hit me this year that... my time is precious? And my hobbies don't have to be monetized in order to enjoy them. So instead of stressing myself out trying to find more work to fill the time I don't necessarily have on a regular basis, I decided that it felt better to let this goal go. Temporary work has still presented itself at times through my full-time teaching job and my summer work and those have been greatly appreciated without feeling too overwhelming!

✅ Write for the purpose of publication.  This goal was at the forefront of my mind all year, but ended up getting accomplished in a way I didn't expect! I started out the year with the idea that I would submit smaller bits of work (like poems, for example) and slowly pick at a novel project of my own creation. And I did pick at a novel project of my own creation. But my interest in that project fizzled out after a while. Where I found some traction and modest success was in writing Harry Potter fan fiction and publishing it on Archive of Our Own. After months and months of reading every bit of Harry Potter fan fiction I could get my hands on, I decided to make the leap and write my own fan fiction pieces. In 2024, I finish one short work (27,000+ words over 8 chapters, which was 7 more chapters than I planned on writing) and I have a work in progress that is, as of this writing, 19,000+ words over four chapters with more in the works. It has been so fun to have a regular writing practice, projects that I'm constantly working on, and I also have the urgency of knowing that people are reading what I write, whether it's finished or not. I am trying to keep myself in check and not overly concern myself with the numbers side of things. Mostly, I'm proud of myself for taking pride in my own writing and actually having fun again :)

🤏 Decorate for all of the holidays.  When I wrote this goal, I had it in my head that decorations would be visible from the street and would be very obvious on the front of my house. Due to an electrical issue that is minor but I don't have the skills to fix, we couldn't (safely) put up lights on our house and that just kind of took the excitement out of decorating for me. Some decoration happened inside my house. I want to make an effort to make more of a holiday decorating effort outside of my house in 2025, but until we fix the electrical issue, I'll have to think of ways that don't involve lights (at least the kind that plug in).

✅ Understand my ADHD brain better.  I didn't read as many books on this subject as I wanted, but I had a good, quality book that I was steadily working my way through this year. And I've learned a ton about how my brain works!

⚠️ Learn to identify agates.   Plain and simple: this goal just wasn't interesting to me anymore, so I let it go. No worries. It happens.

✅ Find/rediscover mobile hobbies.  2024 was the year that I got into embroidery and upped my sewing game a little bit :) I ended up taking embroidery hoops and just the thread I needed for the project I was currently working on when I went away from home for a few days. If I was working on sewing a plush, I would bring what I needed in order to keep the project moving 

❌ Go through the junk boxes I've been avoiding.  I continued to avoid the doom boxes. But they will make a comeback on my 2025 goals.

❌ Create an indoor storage system for tools.  I acquired most of the needed materials, but that's about it. I'll have to execute at the beginning of 2025 in order to make my projects easier to accomplish once it starts warming up outside again.

✅ Create a savings.  Success!

🤏 Learn basic electrical.  This is something I started, but due to my father-in-law's schedule and professional demands, it's been hard to be consistent with this. We'll continue to make progress in 2025.

✅ Physical and Digital Book No-Buy Year. This was a moderate success! Did I still acquire books? Yes... but in a way that fit my rules with very few exceptions. Now I just need to read more of my digital books that I've acquired over time. I don't plan to go nuts with books now that my no-buy year is over.

I'm proud of the things I've gotten to check off this list this year! I've met people who are into setting resolutions and others who think resolutions are lame and pointless. But I find that they help me create focus points in my life. I can always evaluate when my priorities change. Goals like these help me work towards becoming the person I want to be. We're all works in progress.

2025 goals will be coming soon as well as other non-goal-related posts!

Mental Health and Transparency with Students

 In October 2023, after seeking out and going through ADHD testing, I received a formal diagnosis from a psychiatrist. I spent the remainder of last school year thinking through what this diagnosis means for me, exploring medication (and whether that would be helpful for me or not), figuring out systems that are helpful for me as a mom and a teacher with ADHD.

On top of that, I have dealt with mainly facial tics for as long as I can remember (though they affect other parts of my body too). They look like twitching and other uncontrollable movements in my neck and face. It can also look like repeated movements and sounds (like coughing). They tend to get worse when I'm stressed and I can get into periods where it's incredibly hard if not impossible to stop doing those movements or making the sounds I do.

In the past, I have never said anything about my ticks and have gone into the school year hoping that people wouldn't notice. But the longer I taught, suddenly I had students asking me why I made jerky movements or asking if I was angry with them when they'd see a facial tick that distorted my expression. I realized I was unintentionally sending mixed signals. Once I was diagnosed with ADHD though, I felt compelled (maybe with a hint of obligation as well) to say something to my classes and that brought into question whether I would also say something about my tics. 

I spent the summer of 2024 contemplating what the benefits of sharing both of these things might be and if it would make my job harder or easier. Ultimately, I decided it would make things better enough to talk about it. Here's why:

1. Students wouldn't have to question what I was really thinking and feeling because of my struggles. Communication could be clearer.
2. According to the CDC, roughly 10% of 3-17 year olds in the U.S. have been diagnosed with ADHD. Maybe seeing someone with ADHD in a role like teaching that requires a lot of organization and planning ahead could show them some of the possibilities for their life-- nothing is off the table.
3. There would be a better understanding that I'm not doing unhelpful things (like having a messy space or taking a long time to grade things) on purpose. They're just harder tasks for me to accomplish.

At the beginning of each year, I usually play a game of "What Do You Assume?" and have students guess things about me. They can be simple and mundane things, but they're usually things students tend to ask me when given enough time. What's my family like? How long have I been a teacher? Am I married? Do I have kids? But I also have an "other" section where I share other things about me that don't fit into these categories. For example, what movies and shows are my favorite? What am I involved in at my school? These aren't things that I make students guess the answer to, but I'll just share with them because they help solidify with students that I'm human and I have lots of other things happening in my life when I show up for class. So this year, I decided to include my ADHD and tics in my introduction. I shared what "my flavor" of ADHD and tics looked like in me since I am not everyone and both disorders look different from person to person.

At the time of writing this, I have completed the first 14 weeks of the school year (I'm writing this on Thanksgiving Break). That's enough time to form relationships with students, get behind then caught up then even more behind on grading, and form a routine within my own classroom and have feelings about said routine. Here's what I'm noticing:

1. It's not a magic bullet. Just because I shared these things with students doesn't mean that they will approach me with instant understanding when I haven't graded their assignments in three weeks (or longer). They aren't infinitely patient when I ask four or five times what they said after repeatedly not truly hearing/understanding them. They don't automatically get it when I forget things they asked me or told me.
   
   
2. Students watch closer than I think AND/OR Sometimes
   I'm better at masking than I think. I had a student recently who told me he thought I was lying about having tics because he hadn't seen them. They've been there and holy cow, they've been a lot to handle recently with everything that's been thrown my way this school year. Alternatively, another student commented to me that she understood what I meant about tics now because she was seeing them more frequently. Months had passed between the initial conversation and these follow-up comments and yet, this had been simmering in the back of their minds somewhere. There's curiosity especially around my tics. But this makes sense because according to this article, around 1% of people have a tic disorder, so compared to ADHD, it's pretty rare.
   
   
3. I have language to talk about what I'm experiencing. In those times when I'm trying really hard to listen to a student but the language just isn't coming through, I've been known to say something like, "I'm sorry, my brain isn't processing language well today. Can you tell me what you said again?" And it doesn't feel weird or like I'm making an excuse. I'm being real about what's happening in my brain and making it clear that I'm not ignoring students or not listening to students. I'm able to avoid saying "Sorry, I didn't hear you" without having to explain what I mean as an immediate follow-up. It's a small thing, but for me it makes a difference.
   
   
4. I feel like I have to hide less. I still feel negative feelings when I forget things, and struggle to keep my focus, or get stuck in a cycle I feel like I can't get out of with my motor tics, but it's mainly because I've caught myself, not because I've been called out by a student. Both are not-good feelings, but I can deal with the feelings that come from within myself better that I can deal with the external reminders, if that makes sense. I don't have to have a recovery period of "it's fine, no seriously, everything is fine" like I tried to do before. So my discomfort doesn't last as long as it used to.

All of this is not to say that everyone should go out and disclose what's going on with their bodies and brains if they work in a people-facing type of job. If anything, I'm more aware of just how personal of a decision this is. I think ultimately for me, even with the awkward moments, it was worth it. I feel like I'm living a more honest life while at work. And that feels really good.

Update: Book No-Buy Year!

We are now nearing the end of July, so over the halfway mark for 2024! It's time for a check-in. I'll double-check and make sure that the rules I set for myself are still sound and are working for what I'm going for..

As a reminder, my personal set of rules for my Book No Buy Year are as follows:

Green Light: Book Purchases and Acquirements I Can Make

• Any books bought or pre-ordered prior to the start of 2024 are fair game (that being said, I did not treat this as permission to go wild). --> No problem. All pre-ordered, pre-purchased books have been accounted for at this point. There have been a few books that I've been bummed I can't purchase until next year though. I have lapsed just once in this area-- a bought a book that a friend of mine wrote and illustrated. That purchase happened recently. I'm not concerned that this will happen for the rest of the year though. I think in general, this rule is doing its job.

Yellow Light: Limits and Exceptions for Book Purchases and Acquirements

• Presents for others, thoughtfully gifted (thrifted books as much as possible).  The only occasions where this can happen are birthdays and Christmas.  I want to avoid "just because" gifts of books. --> No problem here!
• I can enter contests for books as long as I don't have to pay for them.  The odds of me actually winning these drawings are very, very slim.  I'm thinking particularly of GoodReads for this. --> All good here. I have entered contests through GoodReads and I haven't won a single one of them. So I think this is an okay exception still!
• I can buy a book if I need it for work or a class.  First though, I must check the library to see if it's available within a week or two there.  If it's not, I can opt for a digital copy.  If a digital copy isn't available, then a hard copy can be acquired (secondhand as often as possible). --> I have taken advantage of this one, so I have acquired a few books because of this. I have acquired two writing instruction books and two books that college students were trying to teach to middle school students. I don't think I've gone too overboard in this area!
• Request books on NetGalley if I have immediate plans and desires to read that book.  I don't want to create a new backlog just because I want to read brand new stories. --> I wouldn't call this out of control, but I have definitely gotten a NetGalley book or two have haven't finished all of them in a timely manner like I'm supposed to. With summer quickly nearing an end and school coming up, I should prioritize reading those books. We'll see what happens though!
• I can use the library to find a mode of a book that I don't already own (for example, if I own a physical copy of a book but I'd rather listen to the audiobook). --> You know, I haven't done this as much as I thought I would. I think this is a reasonable accommodation, so I'll keep it.

Red Light: Hard Boundaries Around Book Purchases and Acquirements

• I won't repurchase any books I used to own but previously gave up-- nostalgia is not a good enough reason to acquire or re-acquire books --> No problems here!
• Keep Audible account on pause so that I can keep listening to the books I already have but without acquiring more credits --> Okay, I had a very small issue here. I forgot that when you pause your Audible account, it only lasts for three months. So I believe I was accidentally charged for a month. As a result, I chose an audiobook because otherwise, I would lose that credit. I canceled my account since then so it hasn't been an issue.
• Sites like Chirp and BookBub can be used to inspire requests at the library and adding books to my GoodReads TBR, but I cannot take advantage of any of the steep discounts for the duration of 2024, including books that are free. --> You know, it's been easier to avoid these emails advertising cheap ebooks and audiobooks altogether. So this hasn't been an issue, really!
• No buying physical versions of digital books I fall in love with just to own a hard copy of that book. --> No problems here!

I have severely limited the number of books I am personally bringing into my house. I don't feel like I need to have a ton of books in my possession. Even physical books from the library I'm a little resistant to because I always turn them in late and that upsets the librarians a little bit. I have noticed that I've shifted my attention to the other books in my house that belong to other people. With my son, that's not such a problem. It's been ages since I decluttered his books. His books are my purview and it's my job to keep them organized. But my wife's books? I shouldn't be concerning myself with those, but I am. So I'll have to work through that thought process and help give her space to store her books. 

Overall, I'm pleased with how this challenge is going. It's keeping my impulses in check. But now I'd love to see me start reading more of the books I own (physical or otherwise). That'll be my challenge going into the rest of this year.

Wish me luck!

Fanfiction Made Me Love Harry Potter More

2024 has quickly become the year of rediscovering parts of my childhood in many different ways, but one way I didn't expect that to occur was by taking a deep dive into fanfiction, specifically Harry Potter fanfiction. I don't know if I could tell you how this obsession started, since I didn't read fanfiction as a kid. Yet, here I am, thirty years old and I'm creating notes on Google Keep so I can keep track of the fanfiction I've been loving, which ones I'm in the middle of, and which ones I need to return to periodically to see if there are updates. My phone tells me that I've been averaging 6-7 1/2 hours a day on my phone lately and that's all because I've been reading fanfiction almost constantly, since it's at my fingertips. I've been allowing myself to dive back into Harry Potter in a way that I haven't indulged in quite some time.

Once it came to light that She Who Must Not Be Named (aka the author of this beloved series) is a transphobic and all-around problematic and terrible person, tons of people felt really conflicted about being part of the fandom. I know I felt that complication tugging at me and still do, to a certain extent. Yet, somehow, fanfiction has been a balm to soothe this ache I've been feeling as I attempt to be a good ally and still partaking in my favorite fandoms and that helped shape me into the person I am today. It's been a really nice way to have more adventures with characters I love while not supporting the author.

I was extremely surprised to find that fanfiction comes in all sorts of lengths as well as styles. There are plenty of one-shot stories that look at one specific part of the fandoms people write about and consider the "what ifs" that the series leaves behind. But then there are also tons of rewrites or complete departures that do the same thing, but in novel-length writing! Some of my favorites involve seeing what might happen if Voldemort recognized the signs that Harry is the horcrux he never intended to make and seeing Harry actually be raised by his parents or at least by Sirius.

There are relationships I wish the author could have explored explored (or not...) and we get to see how things could be if certain characters ended up with each other, broke up with each other, remained friends, etc. (for the record, I'm now a huge Draco/Harry shipper). Things that are subtle or glossed over in the series can now be looked at and scrutinized. Harry doesn't have to be okay with growing up abused and neglected. He can stand up to the adults that continuously did him wrong and let things slide when they really shouldn't have. Characters, like Snape, are able to redeem themselves in ways that actually feel like they make a difference in Harry's life and to the Wizarding World. Harry has been able to get therapy to help him work through the staggering amount of trauma he has been through in his life. People who died in the series get a second chance and they get to rise to the occasion of being the mentors, parents, friends, and family that they didn't get to be either at all or for long enough. And it's been amazing! 

Getting away from plot points, there's also the matter of representation being a much bigger thing that it is in the original series, particularly LGBTQ+ representation. To get personal for a moment, I didn't really dig into my own sexuality until I started college. Not because I lived in a repressive household or had an unsupportive family or anything like that, it just didn't occur to me to think about it too hard and try and put a label to things. I was just myself. But then this summer, I was reading a story in which Harry discloses to someone with the same amount of casualness I had that he is pansexual-- if he's attracted to you, he's attracted to you. Gender isn't really a factor for him. I was reading in the car next to my wife and I audibly squealed because I literally felt so seen. Harry was coming out to someone with so little fanfare and with so much assurance that that's just part of who he is that it almost wasn't even worth mentioning. I've also come across stories where characters have different mental and physical health conditions and that's all representation too.

These fan pieces have made this story feel much more well-rounded and real than they ever have before, which I didn't think was possible. I really didn't give this type of writing the credit it deserves. It's been so lovely to dip my toes back in this world and not be left feeling gross or jaded or something else after diving in head first after not being as immersed in this world for quite some time. I feel more connected with the community surrounding this fandom, I feel more connected with myself in some ways, and I even feel more connected to my wife since we've been able to talk about this.

Who knows, maybe I don't need to stop at reading fanfiction. Maybe now it's time to try my hand at writing it now.

Setting Up For A Book No-Buy Year

 It's no secret, especially to the people who know me personally, that I love books.  Last year I read over 60 books (I just looked it up, the average American, whatever that means, reads 12.6 books per year... I don't know what I thought the average would be, but that is pretty darn low).  One thing that afflicts many heavy readers is the collection of books in our personal libraries that never get read.  I am 100% guilty of a large TBR pile.  This is the year I want to make a concerted effort to make this situation better.

Right now, my collection of books fits in my home office, which is great.  I don't want my collection to expand beyond these confines.  But that's the thing... my physical collection of books is fairly manageable... my digital collection, however, is a different story... don't check my Audible or Kindle lists...

Over the years, I have heard of people starting a no-buy or low-spend year for either particular areas of their lives or all areas of their lives.  I love the idea of using what we have before getting a new thing, appreciating what we have, and paring down the belongings we own.  I don't think I can ever be a true minimalist, but perhaps I can be a better minimalist when it comes to my personal collection of books.

The Mission: Forego buying any books (physical or digital) for the year of 2024!

Why do I want to go to the trouble of having a no-buy year for books?

1. So I read more of the books I have that have been gathering physical or digital dust
2. So I can save money and/or re-allocate money I would have spent on books somewhere else
3. So I can declutter my belongings

How I Prepared

1. 
   Reorganizing and Decluttering.  This is mainly for my physical books.  I went through all of the books in my office and took them off the shelves.  First, I took out the books that I have read and don't want to keep in my office anymore.  These books will go to my classroom.  I think a number of them I took from my classroom library in the first place, so they're going home.  Then, I sorted through the books that I have not read.  All of those books have been relocated to one area.  That way, I don't have to go on a hunt for the books that I haven't read.  I'm taking the guesswork out of things.  I have a small pile of physical library books from the public library and the school library and those now have a designated place in my office.  In the photos on the right, all of the books in the top photo have not been read and in the bottom photo, the top shelf and most of the lower standing books are all candidates for me to read this year!  This practice also helped me get rid of duplicates that had been taking up space on my shelves.  
   
   
2. Create a physical list of all the books I own and have not read.  I did this in my bullet journal.  There's a list of all of my physical books, eBooks, and audiobooks on separate lists.  This was honestly so eye-opening for me because it made me realize the true extent of my book-hoarding issue.  I have a good number of physical books that I haven't read, but they're quite contained.  The danger for me lies in my digital books.  Holy cow, I have acquired so many eBooks over the years and a vast number of audiobooks too.  In all, across all modes but not including books I have in more than one medium, I have 279 books that I have not read yet.  This helped me go back to the rules that I wrote and be more strict on the limits I put on myself.  For example, I was going to allow myself to borrow books from the library freely-- I'm not spending money on those books, after all.  But I have access to so many books.  It will take me years to read through all of them.  There's no reason for me to bring in a lot of new titles.
   
   
3. Create smaller, monthly TBRs.  This will help me prioritize what I own and allow me to keep these books at my fingertips-- I'm creating a path of least resistance.  I think this will make the task of reading my books a little less overwhelming than staring at a wall of unfinished books constantly.

The Rules

One aspect of a No-Buy year is to create lists of things that are okay to buy, exceptions to this mission, and hard boundaries to achieve my goals in starting a book no-buy year in the first place.

Green Light: Book Purchases and Acquirements I Can Make

• Any books bought or pre-ordered prior to the start of 2024 are fair game (that being said, I did not treat this as permission to go wild).

Yellow Light: Limits and Exceptions for Book Purchases and Acquirements

• Presents for others, thoughtfully gifted (thrifted books as much as possible).  The only occasions where this can happen are birthdays and Christmas.  I want to avoid "just because" gifts of books.
• I can enter contests for books as long as I don't have to pay for them.  The odds of me actually winning these drawings are very, very slim.  I'm thinking particularly of GoodReads for this.
• I can buy a book if I need it for work or a class.  First though, I must check the library to see if it's available within a week or two there.  If it's not, I can opt for a digital copy.  If a digital copy isn't available, then a hard copy can be acquired (secondhand as often as possible).
• Request books on NetGalley if I have immediate plans and desires to read that book.  I don't want to create a new backlog just because I want to read brand new stories.
• I can use the library to find a mode of a book that I don't already own (for example, if I own a physical copy of a book but I'd rather listen to the audiobook).

Red Light: Hard Boundaries Around Book Purchases and Acquirements

• 
  I won't repurchase any books I used to own but previously gave up-- nostalgia is not a good enough reason to acquire or re-acquire books
• Keep Audible account on pause so that I can keep listening to the books I already have but without acquiring more credits
• Sites like Chirp and BookBub can be used to inspire requests at the library and adding books to my GoodReads TBR, but I cannot take advantage of any of the steep discounts for the duration of 2024, including books that are free.
• No buying physical versions of digital books I fall in love with just to own a hard copy of that book.

These are the "rules" I can think of right now.  I'll revisit this list periodically to make sure it's still working for me.  I imagine that I'll come across the rare situation that I could not have foreseen that I'll have to make a decision about in the moment.  But I think the rules above will help me chip away at my backlog of books before diving into new books.  I plan to do periodic updates on this task, so I'll be able to report back what is working and what struggles I'm having.  I'm really looking forward to this!

Reflecting on My Masters Program

This past May, I graduated with my Master of Arts in Educational Studies!  Now that I'm months removed from this huge milestone, I have some thoughts about it and I've been able to see how my cards have been dealt now that I'm done with degree.  Was it worth it?  Did it get me where I wanted to go?  

What Are My Circumstances?

Not everyone goes into a Masters program immediately after graduating with their Bachelors.  I am told (and I did come to discover this as well) that many people in my classes were similar to me in what I was dealing with outside of going to school.  So here's what I had going on:

• I have a full-time job as a teacher (I started during my 5th year as a teacher, so I already had a teaching license and experience)
• I'm married
• I have a toddler (he turned 3 right around when I graduated)
• I opted to take on a full-time courseload (while still giving myself permission to scale back if it ever became too much)
• The school I attended and the school where I work helped me pay for my tuition, so the financial load was lessened a little bit

My set up will not work for everyone.  A lot of people thought I was nuts for doing both my job and school on a full-time basis.  And to be honest, I probably was a little nuts.

Why Did I Start?

My full Masters is in Educational Studies with a concentration in Teaching College English.  In my state, there is a program called College in the Schools through the University of Minnesota.  It's a concurrent enrollment program meaning that high school students can enroll in these courses and earn both high school and college credit at the same time.  I have wanted to do this for years, but the main thing I needed was experience in the classroom (3 years) and a Masters degree (there's a little more to this, but simply put, that's what I needed).  I had been told that, especially with teaching younger high school students, it could take a toll and I might want to find ways to save my sanity.  Working with more mature students could help.  I also love writing and teaching this particular writing class that I was striving to apply for would allow me to dig into the craft and practice of writing and prepare students for the future, especially if it included college.

What Did I Learn?

Now that it's been about 6 months since graduation, I have been sitting in this post-graduate bubble and figuring out how my Masters has impacted my life so far.  Just to get my head on straight, here are the positives, surprises, and even some disappointments I've noticed so far:

Positive: I'm teaching a college class!

• This is the best thing that has come of this!  Even though I'm teaching a new class at my high school, there is an application process that I had to go through at the University of Minnesota in order to be able to teach this class.  I'm so relieved that I didn't have to wait to teach this class and that the work I did was enough to get a chance.  Because I have limited experience with upper high school, that could have been enough of a reason for them to say no to me teaching this class.  I'm so happy that they gave me a chance.

Positive: I have more professional possibilities!

• I've been becoming more and more aware of this since graduating.  Having a Masters degree means that more schools are willing to look at me.  I can even teach at community colleges and/or as an adjunct at colleges and universities.  I've been feeling really restless in my job lately and even just knowing that I don't have to be stuck is a little bit relieving.  Like, I don't have to be a high school teacher until the day I die if I don't want to be.  What a cool feeling.

Surprise: The amount of doubt around what I'm doing right now

• Perhaps the trade-off of having new professional possibilities is feeling a lot of restlessness and doubt about where I'm currently at professionally.  This is a much more complicated conversation that I probably won't get into here.

Disappointment: My paycheck

• One reason I decided to go for my Masters was so I could move up in the pay schedule.  I don't know if other types of jobs have this, but I can more or less look ahead in my career and have an idea about what I would make with a certain amount of experience and with a certain level of education (not precisely because inflation and such is taken into account each year and is adjusted accordingly).  So I was excited to see that there was a decent bump in my salary!  But after taxes and when it's translated into a bi-monthly paycheck... it's not very noticeable.  I felt really dumb.  That's partially a me problem-- I clearly didn't do my math right and had some false ideas-- and partially a choice in how my school chooses to pay its employees.  That's the reality of the type of school where I work.

Surprise: The workload + finding a rhythm

• This is another oversight of mine.  I think I had it in my head that everything would be hunky-dory as soon as I started teaching this new class and working with the University of Minnesota.  But there's a bit of a learning curve.  I haven't quite gotten the hang of the grading load and the things I've been doing in class are, for the most part, not my own.  I'm recycling a lot of materials from the previous teacher and using as much as I can from my cohort's already existing materials.  It's devoid of my own take on things so it feels really foreign right now.  I know this is something that will improve with time

Positive: I like being a student!

• I loved not being the teacher for a while.  I loved talking with classmates and professors about subjects we were exploring and learning about.  I liked the writing that I got to do, even if I complained about the workload in the moment.  I look back on that work fondly now.  Being a student is a different kind of pressure than being the teacher and I appreciated the challenge!  I don't know if I will take university courses in the future (and I have serious doubts about pursuing a doctorate at the moment), but I will absolutely be pursuing opportunities to continue learning even outside of my field of study.

Ultimately, I do not regret starting a Masters program.  It was a tough two years, but we (my family and I) made it work.  I'm really proud of myself for working through my program.  Since I'm still fairly fresh out of my program, I'm excited to see how things continue to develop and how I'll feel about this experience a year or more after the fact.

Goals for 2024!

Happy New Year!  Welcome to 2024!

It's the time of year where lots of people are setting goals for the year and I'm no exception to this.  I really like putting to paper (or the internet) the things that I would like to do in a year.  I think it helps guide my adventures and keeps my values at the forefront of my mind.  I don't think it sets a path my how my year is going to go or what I do-- there's still plenty of room for adventures and spontaneity!

Without further ado, here are my goals for 2024!

Recycled Goals From 2023:

1. Get a tattoo.  I think I'll be more likely to do this if I reach out to an artist right away at the beginning of this year/month.
   
   
2. Create a rhythm for blogging.  I have taken up blogging again!  But none of that matters if I don't have a schedule or workflow of some kind.  That's my mission this year.
   
   
3. Get my nose pierced.  This is something I've probably been thinking about too much and I just need to do too.  Same thing, I will find a place and make an appointment early this year, even if it's months in advance.
   
   
4. 52 weeks of gratitude.  I tried to do a version of this last year that was meant to become a daily thing, but it quickly fizzled out in March (which, hey, that's still like, 90 posts...).  I think posting once a week will help me be more successful.

New Goals for 2024:

1. Find a side-hustle.  I have big dreams.  I want to travel.  I want to do things around the house.  These are things that, without going into too much detail about my family's financial situation, would stretch our budget too much without some kind of change or boost.  So I'm in search of a way to make extra money without being away from my family.  We'll see if it's a pipe dream.
   
   
2. Write for the purpose of publication.  One of my big goals in life is to become a published author.  I took a class last year about writing fiction and part of that class was my professor, who is a published author herself, talking about the world of publication and bringing in writers to talk to us about their work and how they got to be where they are today.  So many of the writers were writing in the early morning or into the evenings when their kids were asleep, just plugging away at their stories.  More importantly, doing it consistently.  So part of this goal is to build a routine for writing on a regular basis.  
   
   
3. Decorate for all of the holidays.  Whenever holidays come up, my house looks so sad.  I want to be able to put up decorative lights and some other decorations to get into the holiday spirit, whether that's Halloween, Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Valentine's Day.
   
   
4. Understand my ADHD brain better.  Towards the end of 2023, I received an ADHD diagnosis.  It's taken a little bit to figure out what this means for me and what I want to do about it.  But in December, I started taking concrete steps.  I want to keep learning about brains like mine so that I can better do the things that I want to do while not working against my own mind.
   
   
5. Learn to identify agates.  I have a rock tumbler that I've been using on cool rocks I find in my backyard or on camping trips.  But agates look so neat!  I'd love to be able to find some out in the wild, but I need to learn what to look for first.  Then I can worry about polishing them up.
   
   
6. Find/rediscover mobile hobbies.  This is part of my "discovering myself outside of my job" mission.  I feel like when I talk to people in real life and they ask me, "How are you doing?  What have you been up to?" I don't have anything to talk about other than my job.  I don't want to be that person anymore.  I want to be the person that says, "I've been great!  I just finished a new embroidery project!" or even, "Not so great, I couldn't get the electrical on my mini-build to work.  How frustrating..."  Like, ANYTHING other than talking about my job all the time!  And it's a bonus if I can take it with me in my bag without dragging a ton of stuff around!
   
   
7. Go through the junk boxes I've been avoiding.  I think a lot of us have "doom boxes," or boxes that we feel acute dread or doom when we think about dealing with them.  I don't think that's just an ADHD thing, but I could be wrong.  Well, I want to slowly but surely deal with them.  I'm trying to keep my basement fairly organized and junk-free and dealing with these boxes is paramount to reaching this goal.
   
   
8. Create an indoor storage system for tools.  I have collected some tools since moving into my house, but I do not have any real organization to them.  I'd like to fix that!  Even if it's temporary-- the garage won't be a great storage place for a little while probably.
   
   
9. Create a savings.  When my wife and I combined our money after marriage, the account that was my savings account became our savings account.  But she still has an account that is just hers.  I want to have an account that is just mine.  This will let me keep our finances on lock a little bit better.
   
   
10. Learn basic electrical.  I'm very lucky that my father-in-law has a background in electrical work.  I want to learn how to install new outlets and fix basic electrical issues from him!  
    
    
11. Physical and Digital Book No-Buy Year.  This is a big one and probably worth digging into more in a separate post.  I've heard of people doing a no-buy year in all areas of their life and I think that's wonderful.  I'm proud of them for being able to do that and accomplish that task.  I don't think I'm quite at that level of having a no-buy year for all areas of my life and even then, I think I would need to get my family on board with this.  But I do have control over my own belongings and books.  I have really slowed down on buying physical books, but I still have a lot of books that are on my shelves that I haven't read.  I have even more books on my iPad that are much more hidden, but I still haven't read them.  I want to do this to clear out my personal collection of books.

I feel like this year, compared to other years, my list of goals is so eclectic.  But they're all meaningful to me and aimed at improving my life in very specific-to-me ways.  I'm really looking forward to seeing how this year goes!